Happiness vs. Joy: Finding Gratitude During Stressful Times

July 7, 2016

Could striving for happiness actually be making us less happy in the long run?

We spend a lot of our time working toward things that we think will make us happy: pursuing a better-paying job, searching for an ideal spouse, saving up for that dream trip to Europe or a number of other experiences and material objects.

However, once we achieve those things, the feeling of happiness we experience is often short-lived, and not as satisfying as we expected.

Even winning the lottery, something nearly everyone has fantasized about at one point or another, will not make you as happy as you might think. A classic 1978 experiment by researchers at Northwestern University and the University of Massachusetts asked people of two very different groups, recent lottery winners and recent victims of catastrophic accidents, to rate the level of pleasure they received from simple, yet enjoyable moments in life such as receiving a compliment or laughing at a joke. Surprisingly, both sets of people reported similar levels of happiness, with the paraplegic accident victims actually reporting slightly higher levels of happiness.

Sure, the lottery winners probably experienced very high levels of happiness when they first heard their winning numbers announced, but happiness, like all human emotions, is temporary and eventually fades away.

Some psychologists have attributed this phenomenon to something called hedonistic adaptation, which suggests that everyone has their own individual baseline level of happiness. When something good or exciting happens, our happiness level increases, but only for a short time before reverting back to our baseline. It’s why we have a tendency to get tired of things that once made us happy, such as a new house or car, and desire to reach that same level of happiness again, by moving to an even bigger house or buying an even newer car.

This pursuit of happiness is like being stuck in a hamster wheel. We’re constantly moving toward the next thing that will make us happy and never actually reaching a place where we can stop moving and say “I’ve made it! I’m happy!”

That’s exactly why we should stop striving for happiness and strive for joy instead.

What’s the difference between happiness and joy?

Though they seem similar, there are some profound differences between these concepts. Perhaps the most significant difference between the two feelings is where they come from. Happiness is external. It is brought on by outside experiences, worldly pleasures, material objects, etc. Joy, on the other hand, is internal. It’s a state of mind. Joy has elements of many pleasant feelings, including happiness, but also contentment, hope and peace. Joy is happiness on a much deeper and more meaningful level. While happiness brings a smile to the face, joy brings warmth to the heart.

Imagine coming into a large sum of money by chance, such as winning the lottery. How would you feel? Probably pretty happy! Now imagine that you just earned that same amount of money after working hard to start your own business doing what you love. You would feel joy. The end result is the same (the money), but it’s the way you get there that determines the final emotion you experience.

As mentioned earlier, happiness is a temporary emotion, whereas joy tends to last much longer and have a deeper impact. You are likely to remember moments of joy more vividly than moments of happiness. A delicious meal at a restaurant will make you happy, but having the exact same meal prepared for you at home by someone very special to you will bring you joy, and you would likely remember the moment for much longer.

Joy does not always come from our own experiences, but the positive experiences of others as well. Seeing your child smile and laugh for the first time, or hearing a loved one’s exciting news would likely bring you a great sense of joy. That’s one of the best things about joy: it can be shared, and often becomes more powerful when shared with another.

How do we find joy during difficult times?

Life doesn’t always seem sunny and bright. There will inevitably be stormy days, and happiness is not always present amidst these life “storms” but joy can be.

So what’s the key to finding joy in less than ideal circumstances? Practicing gratitude.

Sometimes being joyful means committing to having a positive outlook on life and an appreciation for the moment, despite the circumstances. Making a conscious effort to focus on what you have to be grateful for in life instead of what’s going wrong can actually increase that baseline level of happiness mentioned earlier and bring feelings of lasting joy.

Next time you’re stressed or unhappy with something in your life, stop and take a moment to think of three things you’re grateful for. Too often, we take things like health, a home, employment, family or friends for granted and neglect to appreciate them when they matter most. In order to find joy in the midst of a life storm, it’s important not to lose sight of the many great things we have going for us.

Even take a moment to be grateful for the challenges you are facing because every challenge is a lesson that will allow you to grow. It can be difficult, but try to see challenges as opportunities to learn and build a better life.

Practicing gratitude can help you live a more joyful life even when you aren’t going through difficult times. It’s easy to get jealous of what our peers have, especially in today’s social media age when we are constantly scrolling through streams of other people’s accomplishments. Remember that what you see on Instagram or Facebook is just the highlight reel of other people’s lives. You don’t know what challenges your neighbor who’s posting beautiful photos from her Caribbean cruise could be facing behind the scenes. There will always be those who have more than us, but it’s important to remember that there will also always be those who have less.

How can we practice gratitude in our daily lives?

Start by practicing interior gratitude, which is the act of giving thanks internally. Make mental notes about small things you’re grateful for throughout the day and try to find things to be grateful for even in annoying or less than ideal circumstances. For example, you may think “I really don’t want to go to the DMV to renew my car registration, but I’m grateful to have a car and to be healthy enough to drive it.”

Some people find that keeping a gratitude journal helps them stay positive and increases feelings of joy over time. Not only does this give you a chance to routinely acknowledge things you are grateful for, but you will have a collection of these things to look back on when you are feeling stressed or unhappy.

Next, move on to exterior gratitude, or the act of giving thanks publicly. Take time to let your loved ones, friends and colleagues know that you are thankful for them and the impact they have on your life. Even go out of your way to thank someone you may see regularly but not normally speak to, such as your mail carrier, your doorman or the custodian that cleans your office building. Not only is expressing your gratitude for others good for your own well-being, you may bring unexpected joy to someone else’s life too!

Final thoughts:

Just because happiness is a temporary emotion doesn’t mean we shouldn’t still pursue it. Doing the things that make us happy can help us live more joyful and fulfilling lives. We should always be celebrating the moments in life that make us happy, even the small ones that may not be as profound as our big moments of joy. What’s important is not letting happiness become our ultimate goal, because we will only get stuck in the hamster wheel. Instead, we should strive to practice gratitude as often as we can, so that our outlook on life is one of positivity and joy.